How to get rich and famous from having a blog

Lots of bloggers would love to make money and be rich and famous simply from blogging. I'm not one of those people. Seriously, do you think I would have spent the last 23 years in school if I wanted to be rich from blogging? The answer would be no. (And, yes, I've actually spent 23 years in school. Not counting pre-school. Which means I've technically been in school more years then my students have been alive. And they are college students.)

So here are a few ideas if you'd like to be rich and famous from blogging:

1. Already be rich and famous, and then start a blog. Name-drop your blog on Entertainment Tonight or other shows that you might be on, like The View. I bet your blog will get lots of comments.

2. Write something very controversial. First, think of the target audience you want to offend. It could be stay at home moms, environmentally friendly people, or horse-lovers. Then make a post designed to tick off those groups, but don't be too obvious about it. Go for a subtle tactic, like "Hey, I was wondering if stay at home moms might just be super lazy? And that's why they stay home, not because they love their kids?" or "You know what, on second thought I think recycling is pretty stupid and we should throw everything into landfills," or "Horse meat tastes good." (that last one isn't subtle but apparently according to someone I know who recently ate horse meat it's true.) Then find a place where stay at home moms/planet lovers/horse lovers hang out (on the internet) and drop some links to your blog. I bet you'll get a lot of comments.

Okay, I could only come up with two ideas, one of which doesn't count because it involves already being rich and famous, and the other involves being a jerk. See, that's why I have no plans to get rich and famous from blogging.

(Oh, and I hope you weren't offended by my hypothetical examples. And I'm sorry if you're offended by the horse meat thing, because I'm just repeating what I heard.)

Google AdSense

I learned the hard way that if the only post on your blog contains the word "bj" (EVEN IN A HISTORICAL CONTEXT!!) your Google ads will be very, very strange. Do you want to know about hot Asian women? Or are you looking for a Russian bride? Probably not, which is why you aren't clicking on the ads.

My husband suggests making posts with more popular words, so here's my attempt to do that. I'll report back later with all the awesome Google ads that appear as a result of this post.

Twilight!
Harry Potter!
iPad!
Lady Gaga!
Money!
Movies!
Cars!
Blow--no, wait!

ETA: Nope, the trashy ads remain. My efforts to thwart Google AdSense were themselves thwarted.

Another conversation

Me: Tell me your Facebook password.

Him: (from the kitchen where he is doing our dinner dishes) Why?

Me: Because I want to know it.

Him: But why?

Me: I'm not going to log on to your facebook and mess with your stuff.

Him: I don't want to give you the password.

Me: What if there's an emergency and I need to log onto your facebook account?

Him: What kind of emergency?

Me: Like you're dead and I want to update your status.

Him: To what, "Dead"?

He did not tell me the password

Beware of Historians

I'm a historian. No, wait, I'm studying to become a historian. This means I'm in a perpetual state of studenthood even while approaching my 30th birthday. This also means that most of my furniture is free, I don't have a 401(k), and I've never had a "real job" unless you count that one time I worked in my undergraduate library when I wasn't a student.

This also means that I tell weird stories that don't make sense except to other historians.

Case in point: Last night as I was laying in bed, the clock ticking closer and closer to midnight, trying to force my body to adjust to the "spring forward" I had endured earlier that day, I decided to tell my husband how different our lives would be if we lived in the 15th century.

Me: Hey, if we lived in the 15th century, I would have been married for over 10 years and you would still be single.

H: Oh, yeah, that's true.

Me: (ignoring his uninterested tone) And I would have many babies. You might, too, but they would be bastards.

H: Yep.

Me: But you probably would have had an older male lover while you were in your teens.

H: What?

Me: Because that's what usually happened. An older man would take you as his lover. It was a stage of life thing.

H: I don't want an older male lover. That sounds unpleasant.

Me: But your unpleasant feeling is just a cultural construct. Back then you would have really enjoyed having an older male lover. Because that's what everyone did.

(silence)

Me: He would have given you blow jobs. Because the older man is supposed to be the active partner and the younger man is the passive partner, but with blow jobs the one receiving is the passive partner. Interesting, right?

(no response)

This is why your mother told you never to marry a historian. Or someone studying to become a historian.